The Journey Through Eating Disorders and the Quest for a Healthy Weight

My road to weight loss started at 13 when I embarked on a challenging journey to shed pounds. My initial efforts were futile, but by the time I hit 15, I had gained the highest weight of 80 kilograms (kg) within just four months. After four months, I managed to lose 10 kg with a healthy diet, bringing my weight down to 70 kg. However, my journey didn't stop there. I am currently 65.1 kg and 163 cm tall, aspirations of reaching 50 kg are still very much alive, but I have hit a wall with staying on a healthy diet. To achieve my weight goal, I began starving myself and even resorted to purging. My daily consumption rarely exceeded 500 to 1000 calories.

It is important to note that not everyone with an eating disorder (ED) is skinny. Some individuals are actually overweight. My story speaks to the varied experiences of those grappling with EDs. When my ED intensified, I reached a point where I weighed around 87 kg in my early teenage years, primarily muscle mass from excessive workouts. That was after gaining a significant amount of muscle through a strict paleo diet and intense exercise. The next major shift came when I stopped eating altogether, leading to dramatic weight loss and numerous health complications. Over the years, my struggles have been both physical and emotional, affecting my weight and overall health.

The Early Signs and Triggers of an Eating Disorder

My eating disorder first surfaced when I was in the second grade, around 7 years old. It started with skipping breakfast and disposing of my lunch, often giving it away. Over time, I became more desperate for control and took it to the extreme by drastically reducing my calorie intake. Swim team became a significant part of my life, and the intense exercise led to noticeable weight loss. However, my body's natural changes during puberty and my friend's negative influence pushed me towards anorexia. By middle school, my body was much more mature than my peers, and the pressure to meet her unrealistic standards of weight and body image

The Impact of Eating Disorders on Physical Health and Well-being

My eating disorder has severely impacted my physical and mental health. Over time, the excessive exercise and restrictive eating led to a decline in my overall well-being. I remember feeling extremely pale and sunken, with a lackluster appearance that I found highly disconcerting. The physical toll of my ED was significant, as demonstrated by bruises on my spine from intense sit-ups and a stunted growth due to malnutrition. Despite my physical efforts, my clothing size did not reflect the muscle mass I had built. Instead, I gained muscle through the absence of starvation and intense workout regimen.

The Quest for Recovery and a Healthy Lifestyle

Despite the challenging weight loss journey, I am now trying to return to a healthier weight. After years of struggling, my current weight is around 112 kg. My goal is to return to the weight I was at before my 18th birthday, approximately 90 kg. It is a daunting task, but I am committed to making a positive change. Today, I am trying to be healthy but find it difficult to maintain a consistent diet. I haven't checked my weight recently, as I haven't been eating properly for the past few days. However, I am hopeful that I can regain control over my eating habits and resume a healthy lifestyle.

The Journey is Complex and Personal

Every individual's journey with an eating disorder is unique. What works for one person may not work for another. My story is not a tale of a quick fix or a straightforward path to recovery. It is a complex and personal narrative of struggle, resilience, and the hope for a healthier future. While my current situation is not ideal, I am striving to overcome the obstacles that stand in my way. If you are struggling with an eating disorder or any related issues, please seek professional help and support. Your journey towards recovery is just as important, and you deserve all the support and care from those around you.